a new sense of calm

I really do not have anything new to report, just felt the need to post something.

Crap, is today Thursday? (check calendar) No. Shew. I did not miss another Inner Dorking. Thank goodness.

Today I am working my old job at FPE, as the desk girl wanted today off. Funny how it all came back to me. My “phone voice” and the overused, well-rehearsed phrases said over and over and over and over again, two years later, and it’s as if I never left.

There’s comfort in being home.

On a romantic front (and I know this is cheesy, but again, ridiculously happy) I am a girlfriend for the first time in over two years. Yep. This Reformed Party Girl was asked to be a girlfriend.

Ahhhhhh. (sigh.)

Basically, I feel that all of the hard-work I put in with therapy is paying off. My guard is down. If I have a thought or a feeling, an emotion, it is being expressed. Walls are crumbling, and it feels really good. I’ve also asked him to tell me if I am shutting down, or if I seem to be putting a wall-up, to call me on it. I’ve spent 34 years doing it wrong; I’m ready to see what it feels like to do something right.

I’ve met all of his friends/co-workers. His family lives out of state. He wants to know when he can meet my family; In about a week. (Last time someone met the family; over 10 years ago.)

In the past three weeks (yes, it has been a short amount of time. However, after spending the night at his place numerous times, last night was the first time we had sex; so, there is no sex haze at work.) (ah, therapy.) (we both wanted to make sure about the other one.) (That he wasn’t an ass and that I wasn’t crazy.) Anyway, in the past three weeks, we have seen each other almost everyday. The only reason it hasn’t been everyday, is because we both agreed we need some perspective. (Ah, maturity.) And every morning when I say goodbye, he asks when he can see me again.

Yeah.

I know.

We are that couple. The one that makes you want to puke, but you secretly envy.

I’ve always wanted to be that couple. To know that it was real. To have the feelings, and not have two of those feelings be drama or trauma.

It’s really, really nice.

And for once, I am not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m just enjoying the journey and the sleep deprivation.